Rodney Dangerfield

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield (born Jacob Rodney Cohen, November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer and writer, known for the catchphrase "I don't get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme. He is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back to School.

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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield #Best #Birthday #Respect

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield #Car

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Rodney Dangerfield #Funny

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield #Family #Pet

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
Rodney Dangerfield #Family #Funny

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield #Funny

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield #Sports

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield #God

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield #Good

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield #Home

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield #Jealousy

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield #Marriage

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield #Marriage

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield #Marriage

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield #Medical

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield #Morning

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield #Morning

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield #Pet

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Rodney Dangerfield #Pet

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield #Respect

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Rodney Dangerfield #Time

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield #Time

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide he exposes himself.
Rodney Dangerfield #Age #Food #Life

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield #Home

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield #Hope

Photo of Rodney Dangerfield At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.