Robert Orben

Robert Orben (born March 4, 1927) is best known as an American professional comedy writer, though he also worked as a speechwriter for Gerald R. Ford and as a magician. He has written multiple books on comedy, mostly collections of gags and "one-liners" originally written for his newsletter, Orben's Current Comedy, and he has also written books for magicians. Robert Orben published his first gag book at the age of 18 in 1946, when he was working in Stuart Robson Jr.'s (stage manager for Florenz Ziegfeld) conjuror's shop in New York. Professional magicians would use his gags to add humor to their acts; comedians also came into magic stores, for props and books, as there were no comedy stores or resources as such at that time. When Robert Orben wrote his first gag book, Encyclopedia of Patter, it proved very popular, and he started publishing more books of gags, complete with sketches, ... More


Robert Orben Quotes

Robert Orben #Funny

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben #Computers

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Robert Orben #Wisdom

Every speaker has a mouth An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
Robert Orben #Failure #Success

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
Robert Orben #Business #Work

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Robert Orben #Food #Funny #Health

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben #Graduation #Success

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
Robert Orben #Happiness

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
Robert Orben #History

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Robert Orben #Home #Parenting

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Robert Orben #Humor

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.
Robert Orben #Humor

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
Robert Orben #Morning #Work

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Robert Orben #Work

If you can laugh together, you can work together.
Robert Orben #Best

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Robert Orben #Fitness #Health

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
Robert Orben #Government

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
Robert Orben #Humor

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
Robert Orben #Society

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Robert Orben #Politics

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?