Phyllis Ada Driver (July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012), better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh. Diller was a groundbreaking stand-up comic—one of the first woman comics to become a household name in the U.S. She paved the way for Joan Rivers, Roseanne Barr and Ellen Degeneres, among others, who credit her influence. Diller had a large gay following and is considered a gay icon. She was also one of the first celebrities to openly champion plastic surgery, for which she was recognized by the industry. Diller worked in more than 40 films, beginning with 1961's Splendor in the Grass. She appeared in many television series, often in cameos, but also including her own short-lived sitcom and... More
Phyllis Diller Quotes
Phyllis Diller #Age #Beauty
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller #Age
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Phyllis Diller #Anger
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller #Best #Funny
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller #Funny #Time
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller #Home
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller #Home #Parenting
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller #Funny
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller #Men
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller #Money
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
Phyllis Diller #Smile
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller #Teacher
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller #Time
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller #Anger #Business
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller #Wedding
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller #Women
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller #Work
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
Phyllis Diller #Christmas
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller #Thanksgiving
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller #Beauty #Good
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.