Joan Rivers

Photo of Joan Rivers
Joan Alexandra Molinsky (June 8, 1933 – September 4, 2014), better known as Joan Rivers, was an American comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians. Rivers came to prominence in 1965 as a guest on The Tonight Show. Hosted by her mentor, Johnny Carson, the show established Rivers' comedic style. In 1986, with her own rival program, The Late Show with Joan Rivers, Rivers became the first woman to host a late night network television talk show. She subsequently hosted The Joan Rivers Show (1989–1993), winning a Daytime Emmy for Outstanding Talk Show Host. Having become widely known for her comedic red carpet awards show celebrity interviews, Rivers co-hosted the E! celebrity fashion show Fashion Police from 2010 to 20... More

Wikipedia

Joan Rivers Quotes

Joan Rivers #Beauty

Photo of Joan Rivers The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers #Best

Photo of Joan Rivers My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
Joan Rivers #Business

Photo of Joan Rivers I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented.
Joan Rivers #Funny

Photo of Joan Rivers I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers #Diet

Photo of Joan Rivers Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
Joan Rivers #Happiness #Money

Photo of Joan Rivers People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan Rivers #Respect

Photo of Joan Rivers Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers #Fitness #Time

Photo of Joan Rivers The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers #Food

Photo of Joan Rivers Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers #Funny

Photo of Joan Rivers Never floss with a stranger.
Joan Rivers #Funny

Photo of Joan Rivers I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers #Funny #God

Photo of Joan Rivers If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers #God #History

Photo of Joan Rivers Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.
Joan Rivers #God

Photo of Joan Rivers I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers #God #Thankful

Photo of Joan Rivers Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers #God #Work

Photo of Joan Rivers I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers #Good #Wisdom

Photo of Joan Rivers Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
Joan Rivers #Good

Photo of Joan Rivers I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
Joan Rivers #History

Photo of Joan Rivers Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.
Joan Rivers #Life

Photo of Joan Rivers I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers #War

Photo of Joan Rivers She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers #Work

Photo of Joan Rivers What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.
Joan Rivers #Funny

Photo of Joan Rivers Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.