Henny Youngman

Photo of Henny Youngman
Henry "Henny" Youngman (original Yiddish surname Yungman; 16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His best known one-liner was "Take my wife ... please". In a time when many comedians told elaborate anecdotes, Youngman's routine consisted of telling simple one-liner jokes, occasionally with interludes of violin playing. These depicted simple, cartoon-like situations, eliminating lengthy build-ups and going straight to the punch line. He was known as "The King of the One Liners", a title conferred to him by columnist Walter Winchell. A stage performance by Youngman lasted only fifteen to twenty minutes but contained dozens of jokes in rapid-fire succession.

Wikipedia

Henny Youngman Quotes

Henny Youngman #Anniversary

Photo of Henny Youngman I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman #Car

Photo of Henny Youngman My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
Henny Youngman #Car

Photo of Henny Youngman I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman #Dad

Photo of Henny Youngman My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?
Henny Youngman #Funny #Morning

Photo of Henny Youngman If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman #Funny

Photo of Henny Youngman If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman #Great

Photo of Henny Youngman I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
Henny Youngman #Happiness #Money

Photo of Henny Youngman What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman #Home #Love #Marriage

Photo of Henny Youngman Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
Henny Youngman #Marriage

Photo of Henny Youngman The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman #Marriage

Photo of Henny Youngman She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
Henny Youngman #Money

Photo of Henny Youngman I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Henny Youngman #Anniversary #Marriage #Music #Time

Photo of Henny Youngman Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman #Women

Photo of Henny Youngman This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman #Graduation

Photo of Henny Youngman This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
Henny Youngman #Teacher

Photo of Henny Youngman A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman #Travel

Photo of Henny Youngman Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman #Christmas

Photo of Henny Youngman I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman #Medical

Photo of Henny Youngman When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.