George Carlin

Photo of George Carlin
George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians: One newspaper called Carlin "the dean of counterculture comedians." In 2004, Carlin was placed second on the Comedy Central list of "Top 10 Comedians of US Audiences" compiled for an April 2004 special. The first of his 14 stand-up comedy specials for HBO was filmed in 1977. From the late 1980s, Carli... More

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George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin #Alone

Photo of George Carlin If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin #Funny

Photo of George Carlin Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin #Funny

Photo of George Carlin In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin #Communication #Truth

Photo of George Carlin By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin #Death #Time

Photo of George Carlin Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin #Death

Photo of George Carlin At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
George Carlin #Freedom

Photo of George Carlin Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
George Carlin #Funny

Photo of George Carlin Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin #Funny

Photo of George Carlin Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin #Future

Photo of George Carlin There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
George Carlin #Good

Photo of George Carlin You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin #Family

Photo of George Carlin The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George Carlin #Life

Photo of George Carlin When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
George Carlin #Money #Work

Photo of George Carlin Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George Carlin #Time

Photo of George Carlin The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin #Time #Work

Photo of George Carlin Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin #Pet

Photo of George Carlin Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin #Religion

Photo of George Carlin Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin #Travel

Photo of George Carlin What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
George Carlin #Christmas

Photo of George Carlin The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin #Death

Photo of George Carlin I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin #Good

Photo of George Carlin Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin #Time #Work

Photo of George Carlin I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
George Carlin #Work

Photo of George Carlin When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.