Erma Bombeck

Erma Louise Bombeck (née Fiste; February 21, 1927 – April 22, 1996) was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became bestsellers. From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns, using broad and sometimes eloquent humor, chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife. By the 1970s, her columns were read twice-weekly by 30 million readers of the 900 newspapers in the U.S. and Canada.

Wikipedia

Erma Bombeck Quotes

Erma Bombeck #Age #Strength

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
Erma Bombeck #Birthday

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck #Business #Society

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.
Erma Bombeck #Car #Marriage

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck #Car

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Erma Bombeck #Car #Funny

Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck #Car #Parenting

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck #Courage #Dreams

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
Erma Bombeck #Courage

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Erma Bombeck #Diet #Funny

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck #Dreams #Time

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
Erma Bombeck #Family #Food #Politics #Religion

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
Erma Bombeck #Food

Never order food in excess of your body weight.
Erma Bombeck #Funny

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Erma Bombeck #God

God created man, but I could do better.
Erma Bombeck #Graduation

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
Erma Bombeck #Humor

When humor goes, there goes civilization.
Erma Bombeck #Family #Food

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Erma Bombeck #Humor

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck #Car

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
Erma Bombeck #God #Hope #Life

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
Erma Bombeck #Home #Women

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
Erma Bombeck #Life

Children make your life important.
Erma Bombeck #Medical

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Erma Bombeck #Mom

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.